MY Redemption Song.....

... sounds like the creaky chains of the porch swing

as my son and i snuggle in motion,

while watching the hummingbirds at the feeder

and the morning mist slowly lift off of the mountains.

it sounds like the screech owl,

crying out from its moonlit perch by the edge of the creek...

the shrill call echoing through the dark vale.

it sounds like familiar voices of family and friends...

milk and honey flowing from their lips,

a soothing balm of comforting words.

it sounds like the strains of a fiddle,

the tapping of feet,

the crackling of an evening fire...

laughter at dusk.

sometimes it is barely audible, yet still tangible...

felt, more than heard.

in the quietness, i can still detect the faint melody.

so as the morning mist loosens its nightly hold on these hills,

this blanket begins to relinquish its smothering grip on my heart...

and new stanzas are written and imprinted

on this fallible, hopeful human soul.

The Colors Of Easter....










Resurrection Day......

My alarm woke me at 5:15, as I was in our church's Easter play this year and we were performing it during the Sunrise Service. I got up in the pre-dawn light and shuffled about quietly, so as not to awake my other two sleeping beauties. It was a quiet drive to church and Easter morning dawned gloriously....albeit being quite chilly. It was a 'big sky' day, as I call them here in the mountains..... when the skies are clear and vast, with just specklings of clouds.

Easter Sunday is always very special for me, even more so than Christmas. The hope and celebration resonate in me. The celebration and joy that came after 3 days of darkness.... three days of hopelessness and despair.... deadness... when Jesus' followers thought the Light had gone away forever.... not quite believing His promise that He would rise from the dead.

As one who has struggled with depression in her life, the hope that my Saviour brings....the promise that there will always be a Resurrection morning, is what keeps rivers of Life flowing in my heart and soul. Despite dark times and times of sadness, I have always been a relentlessly optimistic, hopeful person and see beauty in the journey, even during the dark times. And I'm always reminded of that on Easter morning. Colors are more vibrant, light seems brighter, and hope springs eternal, when you view the world in light of the resurrection.

I hope all of you had as beautiful a Resurrection Day as I....

love is...... a father who gets up in the middle of the night when his little girl is puking her guts out, and sits with her in his easy chair, holding the bowl, rocking, and whispering words of comfort in her little ears.... who lends a nonjudgmental and consoling ear when she comes to him devastated and heartbroken because of mistakes she has made and poor choices that have left her in desperation.

love is.... a mother who sews little dresses for her daughter's dolls, who snuggles and reads to her even though she has lots of other things to be doing, who praises every accomplishment, no matter how small..... who's there in the room when her daughter is giving birth for the first time to lend encouragement and support.

love is..... a son that wakes up every morning and greets his parents with a big smile and so much excitement for the day, that he can hardly contain it.... who can change his mom's frown to a fit of laughter in a millisecond with something he says..... who tells his mom he loves her and is sorry for upsetting her, even though it was she who unduly lost her temper with him....who loves to serve his mom breakfast in bed on saturday mornings.

love is ...... a friend who shares coffee, laughter, and tears with you.... who 'gets' you like no one else....who tells you 'leave your son here and go home and rest for the day' when you walk to her house sobbing when life circumstances feel like they are too much to bear... someone you know your deepest secrets will always be safe with.

love is.... a God that stoops down to my weaknesses and draws me up to Him and invites me to dance with Him.... who never turns His back on me, even when I turn my back on Him..... who loves me so much that at times, I feel my heart will burst for the knowledge of it.... who rescued me from myself... and who never fails to paint a glorious sunrise or sunset over my mountains just for me.

" And now these three remain: Faith, Hope , and Love... but the greatest of these is Love."

-1 Corinthians 13:13

The Haunting.......

the whispers come.... in the night...out in my yard...

in the mountain breeze that blows through my hair...

"come, Beloved, there is something more"...

my Lover calls from the mountain, from the hills...

"awake....Awake... can' t you see that I've led you here?

don't turn away...I've been preparing you for this...

this wild romance....you know...your heart knows..."

He's beckoning... "come....I'm waiting....it's time....."

Oh, my heart! There IS a place for a wild, passionate heart in this Christian journey. It's not something that has to be tamed or tempered..... My God put it there to lead me to Him....

Hallelujah!!!

(Journal entry while reading "The Sacred Romance".... a MUST read for anyone who has felt the haunting and has embarked on this journey of faith..... )

Morning Has Broken......


"Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word....

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where His feet pass...

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's re-creation of the new day... "

- Traditional Hymn by Eleanor Farjeon

(photo: morning view from my front porch..... )

"And They'll Know We are Christians by our Love........."

That is the song that ran through my head tonight as I attended revival services at the small church we have been visiting. It has been a while since I have been so moved during church services. The sermons are not awe-inspiring..... they are simple. They still sing the old hymns, not more modern praise and worship music.... But both at Sunday morning services and this week at revival services, I have been moved to tears.

We have been welcomed into the church with warmth and open arms. This week was special because a pastor from out-of-town came to deliver the messages each night..... this after having lost his young brother in a tragic accident two weeks ago. Our church let him know that he didn't have to follow through with his commitment to preach here, but he wanted to come.

Last night, a church member who has had a long battle with cancer came forward in tears at the end of the service, and told the congregation she just found out her cancer was back and had spread. Immediately, the whole church came forward, surrounded her, laid hands on her, and prayed and wept with her..... many stayed even after the service was over, to encourage her and pray.

Then tonight, the guest pastor gave a very sincere sermon on faithfulness and how he had been inspired by this little church. He let us know how therapeutic this week with our church had been and talked of needing prayer for going back and dealing with his grief over his brother. The closing song found just about every one in the church on their knees...... at the alter, in the aisles, in the pews, surrounding the pastor as his tears flowed in mourning. Even the elderly, who could barely walk, were kneeling in prayer, leaning against the pews. I was humbled and moved by their sincerity and compassion.....

Love...... is a verb. And the spirit of God showed up in a little country church in Appalachia, among simple people who want to be faithful to Him.... in the way they know how.

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ...."
-Galations 6:2


(Painting by Bryan Morgan)

Provision.......

(an excerpt from an e-mail I sent to my family shortly after moving to our new town)

I had a wonderful night last night....just one of those nights where it seems the stars are all aligned just for you. We were invited to Vacation Bible School at a little country church up the road..... down a beautiful, winding, one-lane road following a creek. I stayed with Sir Laughsalot through the evening... went to his class with him. He made friends with the class clown right away, an onery little red-headed boy. They carried on, laughed, and played together the entire night..... Such a wonderful thing to see after having to leave all his friends behind when we moved.

Another mom was there and I sensed a kindred spirit.... and a familiar accent. We trepidly started conversing and realized we were both from the same area of North Carolina and she had also gone to college near my hometown in Kentucky. Before long, we were laughing, too.... and didn't stop talking until the evening was through. We even got some looks from the teachers to hush. As the evening wound down, we exchanged phone numbers, e-mails, and 'See ya tomorrow's!"

It was dark when we left..... and the cicadas and peepers were almost deafening. I had a euphoric feeling walking down the little road to the car, with the sounds of the country in my ear, the little white church's steeple lit up in the background, and the sound of kids laughing. A night of good conversation, a possible new friendship, and knowing my son is getting that gentle, fun introduction to Jesus that we had at our bible schools growing up. We drove home with the windows down, listening to the night sounds, and Sir Laughsalot softly singing the songs he had learned that night.

I believe Someone did line the stars up for me last night.......

Let The Children Come.........

....A young worshipper caught in action at church. She delighted me, as I watched her excitement and sincerity while singing praises to God. She knew all the words to all the songs we sang. And I was reminded of Jesus' words that we must come to Him like a child...... with that wonder and awe...... innocence and joy..... for He is 'Abba', our Father, who 'takes great delight in us, and quiets us with his love, He also rejoices over us with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

How awesome that the Creator of the Universe also rejoices over *ME*....and You... and this little girl who is so excited about her Maker! And how very humbling...........

"I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you. "

-Psalm 63: 4-5

"What Wondrous Love Is This"

What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul! What wondrous love is this, O my soul! What wondrous love is this that caused the Lord of bliss To bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul, To bear the dreadful curse for my soul.

When I was sinking down, sinking down, sinking down, When I was sinking down, sinking down, When I was sinking down beneath God’s righteous frown, Christ laid aside His crown for my soul, for my soul, Christ laid aside His crown for my soul.

To God and to the Lamb, I will sing, I will sing; To God and to the Lamb, I will sing. To God and to the Lamb Who is the great “I Am”; While millions join the theme, I will sing, I will sing; While millions join the theme, I will sing.

And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on; And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on. And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing and joyful be; And through eternity, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on;And through eternity, I’ll sing on.

Words: Alexander Means. Music: William Walker, 1835.

This hymn is one of my favorites. It is especially beautiful when sung in the traditional shaped-note tradition here .......... As in most shaped-note sessions, they sing the notes first, then the lyrics.

Wishing you all a Wonderful and Joyous Easter as we celebrate the risen King!!!!

(photo: taken along a road in Ireland........)

Let There Be Light.......

Light is a necessity in my life. I am like a sunflower, face turned upward, soaking up the light and heat. I love my house because of the huge windows that let the light pour in. The light from my kitchen window, above, greets me in the mornings as I rise to make coffee... early light of day beginning to filter through.

My life has not always been filled with light. There have been times of darkness....emotional, mental, and spiritual darkness...darkness that sometimes threatened to overshadow the light. And during these times of darkness, I had to rely on a different type of Light....the Light of the world:
" When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

The darkness started in my teen years, when I first started experiencing the symptoms of Depression. But back then, there weren't commercials with checklists of symptoms. I didn't understand it or have a name for it so I basically struggled through it. My solution when it would come was to try to run from it, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally. Although I had a couple of "clinical" bouts with depression throughout my late teen years and early 20's, the Light delivered me safely on the other side .
"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it." John 1:5

I had learned to recognize the triggers and warning signs by the time I was in my 20's, through good Christian counsel and the prayers of my brothers and sisters of faith. I had Scripture that I held close to my heart and spoke it into my life often. I learned how to turn my thoughts and focus in other directions. But, when I was 26, another life circumstance sent me into a hormonal whirly-dervish and I experienced one of the darkest years of my life. This event was having a child......

What is supposed to be a joyous and exciting time in most lives was not for me. I anticipated with joy and happiness the arrival of my son and he was very much wanted and very much loved, in the womb and afterwards. But what was usually just a couple weeks of baby blues for some, turned into a year of Post-partum Depression for me. I have never experienced the power of hormones so much in my life as during that time, where I felt completely out of control of my emotions and thoughts. It was actually something I could feel physically.......

My son, Sir Laughsalot, was a Christmas baby, and born during a particularly harsh, bitter, and long winter. We were living in my husband's hometown and I didn't know very many people, other than my former co-workers. My husband was working long hours, leaving around 7 A.M. and sometimes not returning home until 8 or 9 p.m....and we were living in a small house that received very little natural light. This was topped off with Sir Laughsalot getting Bronchiolitis and having to have a nebulizer every night when he was only 2 weeks old, his nursing mommy getting a case of very painful mastitis, and being surrounded by anxious and negative voices. The extreme isolation and bone-numbing exhaustion paired with no help, encouragement, or support is what I believe pro-longed my depression.

That period, what I consider my darkest days, is when I depended on Light the most. I remember every afternoon, around 4 p.m., I would feel a tangible darkness that came with the onset of dusk. As the light faded from the sky, I would feel a physical oppression come over me. I would go around the house and turn every single light on until my husband arrived home. It was so strange to me and I couldn't escape it. I hated how it felt....it was ominous. We had a wonderful CD by Twila Paris called "Bedtime Prayers: lullabies and peaceful worship" that I would play and, to this day, I still remember the lyrics to one song in particular....they helped me get through my evenings and long nights. I'd sing them in my head at night when I would nurse and when I was so exhausted and anxious that I couldn't sleep:

"Do not be afraid little lamb, Trust Him while you are sleeping.
Angels over your cradle will stand, Silent watch they are keeping.
Think about these things, And love will guide your dreams.

And He will keep you in perfect peace...perfect peace....perfect peace
He will keep you in perfect peace, If you keep your mind on Him.

You are never alone little lamb, For the Father is near you.
You are tenderly held in His hand, Whisper and He will hear you.
Think about these things and love will guide your dreams........"

And my heavenly Father WAS with me all through that time..... he knew how much I could bear and didn't allow the darkness to consume me. Sir Laughsalot was a wonderful baby, happy and content...he nursed well, and slept well......and my husband went out of his way to help when he was home. I think God knew that having a colicky baby or an unsupportive husband would have been too much to bear on top of the depression. I cried out to God over and over during this time and He heard my cry. Towards the end of that year, I started to see the light again...He began to bring optimistic, encouraging, and supportive voices into my life. He surrounded me with an incredible, loving church family. He led us to a wonderful house and neighborhood. He brought me safely to the other side.....

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

I am a sunflower, face turned upward, basking in the Light, love, and grace of my Redeemer....the One who replaced my spirit of despair with a garment of praise, who turned my ashes into beauty, and who brought Joy in the morning........

Amazing Grace.....

My husband and I rarely think it's worth it to pay a babysitter and the high price of tickets to go see a movie in the theatre. We tend to wait until it comes out on video. On occasion, though, Hollywood releases a movie of substance...one that I believe can inspire and make a difference in this world....and one that we deem worthy of going to see in the theatre, if nothing more than to do our small part in supporting such movies. I believe Amazing Grace is one of these films. It is the true-life story of William Wilberforce and his campaign to end slavery in Britain. There is also a campaign to go along with the movie...an effort to raise awareness of modern-day slavery that is still rampant in our world. Go here to check it out.

I was made aware of this movie by a fellow blogger, Christianne. Her and her husband are involved in this campaign and I am grateful that she's using her voice for this important movement.

Also, here is a wonderful review and very inspiring post by Kirsten, another blogging friend, who writes about what she gleaned from this film. Definately worth the trip over......

Our Forefathers and our Spiritual Roots.......in honor of President's Day.....

"Prayer at Valley Forge" is one of Sir Laughsalot's favorite stories in his Children's Book Of Heroes.....and I love that he will know about this great man in our history and the great faith he had. Even though there is some debate about whether Washington was actually seen in this exact spot by the farmer, Issac Potts, it is known that Washington did pray often, usually in quiet solitude. There is something so moving and humbling to me about the story and painting... seeing this great man, kneeling before his Maker, submitting to His will and plan.

This article , interviewing author Peter A. Lillback, was in an insert that comes in our town's paper each week. He spent 15 years researching Washington and his writings and speaks of Washington's Christian faith and what kind of leader he would be in modern times. And he speaks of how some historians have tried to downplay Washington's faith.

I find it sad...this movement to de-spiritualize America..making everything "politically correct", so as not to offend anyone...even re-writing history in a lot of ways. This mindset eats away at our roots and culture. I feel the Founding Father's intentions have been warped and highly misconstrued...now making it "Freedom from Religion" instead of "Freedom of Religion." Every culture and country is permeated with its roots- spiritual, cultural, and political..and it shows up in symbolism everywhere. In most other countries, it is something to be respected and preserved, but not in America...there is a Huge underlying movement to remove anything that speaks of our spiritual past...which is Christianity.

Some historians with certain political agendas are trying to de-spiritualize our founding fathers, also. If you do the research yourself...both reading original documents and their correspondences, God was a big factor in their decisions... and their spirituality diffused their lives and their decisions and helped shape their view of government and its role and responsibility. And I think it's not historically accurate to leave that out or downplay it.

Here is an excerpt from another Great American president's proclamations..encouraging a day of fasting and prayer:

"It is the duty of nations as well as of men to own their dependence upon the overruling power of God, and to confess their sins and transgressions in humble sorrow, yet with assured hope that genuine repentance will lead to mercy and pardon, and to recognize the sublime truth, announced in Holy Scripture, and proven by all history, that those nations only are blessed whose God is the Lord. And, insomuch (sic) as we know that by His divine law nations, like individuals, are subjected to punishments and chastisement in this world, may we not justly fear that the awful calamity of civil war which now desolates the land may be but a punishment inflicted upon us for our presumptuous sins, to the needful end of our national reformation as a whole people? We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven; we have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity; we have grown in numbers, wealth and power as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which has preserved us in peace and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us, and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us. It behooves us, then, to humble ourselves before the offended power, to confess our national sins and to pray for clemency and forgiveness." -Abraham Lincoln [March 30, 1863]

Can you imagine if one of our Presidents made a speech like that today? He'd be run out of office. I, for one, am proud of this great faith of our forefathers and believe it is one of the reasons these men were such great leaders and helped our country attain the freedoms we have now. Because of this faith, they believed in "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" and that "all men are created equal under God". No, our country isn't perfect, neither were the men who founded it. Every culture and country has sordid events in their history... a lot, much worse than America. And things like Slavery, that our country battled so fiercely over, is still going on in many parts of the world (that could be a whole other post, in itself). I think we have unparalleled freedoms and opportunities and I, for one, don't take that lightly or take it for granted.

So in closing... God Bless America!!! :)

Here are some other good links and reads regarding our Forefather's faith and out country's spiritual roots.....

1. American Destiny : http://www.americandestiny.com/index.htm

2. Stand to Reason: The Faith of our Father's :http://www.str.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=5243

"I bring you good news of great joy for everyone! The Savior- yes, the Messiah, the Lord- has been born tonight in Bethlehem, the city of David!" Luke 2:10-11

On Christmas day of 2001, I was in a hospital, deep in labor with my son. It was the year of 9/11 and the war in Afghanistan. The months leading up to giving birth were spent in contemplation, anticipation, and even some great anxiety at the state of the world...and bringing a life into it. The world seemed like a very dangerous and dark place that year.

On a similar day, over 2000 years ago, a very young mother, heavy with child, gave birth in a small barn... in a dangerous and dark time. A time when a King decreed that all baby boys must be killed. The events of this birth had been prohecied about for generations......a humble and lowly birth for such an anticipated arrival.

I remember feeling a deep kinship with Mary, mother of Jesus, in those months leading up to my son's birth. I waddled around the campus of the university I was attending, heavy with child, in the snow and ice....thinking about her having to ride a donkey in the winter for hundreds of miles, on the verge of giving birth to God incarnate. And then giving birth in a crude stable with no help or encouragement. What a way for the Son of God to come into this world. And then Mary "pondering all of these things in her heart".......

There was much need for this babe and the hope He brought 2000 years ago, just as there is today. And I felt it very keenly that year of my pregnancy. Such a magical and awesome event in history..... the Hope and Light of the world leaving His throne on high to come and dwell in our midst...among the darkness and strife. And because of Jesus' humble birth and, ultimately, death, I don't have to fear the darkness or the future of this world that I brought life into, because "Light came into the darkness and the darkness could not overcome it". And I am very grateful and will ponder these things in my heart for years to come......

"Come, thou long expected Jesus, born to set thy people free;

from our fears and sins release us, let us find our rest in thee.

Israel’s strength and consolation, hope of all the earth thou art;

dear desire of every nation, joy of every longing heart.

Born thy people to deliver, born a child and yet a King,

born to reign in us forever, now thy gracious kingdom bring.

By thine own eternal spirit rule in all our hearts alone;

by thine all sufficient merit, raise us to thy glorious throne."

(There is a beautiful song written from the perspective of Mary called "Breath of Heaven". You can listen to Sara Groves sing it Here. )