a new years eve... in retrospect.

i sprinkled on faerie dust.... on my face, and neck, and chest. i wanted to sparkle.
i braided my hair, and wore blue for you, to match my eyes, as you would say.
it had snowed, and the sky was brilliantly clear.
we put on our boots at midnight and hiked through the field... to the creek.
you put your arms around me and we looked up into the firmament, at the millions of sparkling lights, strung out before us..... the whole world was on fire at that very moment.
in the absolute quiet, on the blanketed ground, you whispered in my ear about the time you were sitting on a rock, overlooking the pacific ocean.... and a huge, brilliant, colorful light exploded in the distance. it woke you out of your reverie. it was your ebenezer. that there was so much more out there, things so much bigger than ourselves that we may never understand..... that we just get brief glimpses of.

you wanted to share that with me.
so in the hushed valley, on that cold, snow blanketed night, we spread out our love, like a feast. the heavens came down and joined in. and i was brought out of my deadness.... i was woken out of my reverie.

whisper

in the hush
away
i want to lean
into you
whisper
sacred things
in supine repose
so many voices
outshout
i still whisper
softly,
alone.

The Highlight of my Year......


...was meeting Jean Ritchie at this year's Appalachian Festival. She was the Capstone Performer and the day's events ended with a performance by her in the historic Palace Theatre. I was so giddy with excitement that I blushed and giggled like a schoolgirl when I was talking to her. She's MY American Idol.

Born in Viper, KY, Jean Ritchie was really the first person to introduce the mountain dulcimer to the world outside of the Appalachian Mountains. She left Eastern Kentucky in the 1940's to do social work in New York, and she brought her dulcimer and old family songs with her. Many of the songs I sing are her versions, and a lot were actually written by her.

I was so moved during the performance, as were most people. Jean is now in her 80's, and although her voice falters, she still has a pure, unadulterated voice that is unmatched, as she grew up without any of the outside influences that today's traditional musicians have. I will treasure the experience.....

Finding Common Ground....

This past Sunday, I gathered with friends and spent the afternoon getting this 405 acre farm in Western Maryland ready for the first annual Common Ground on Martins Mountain Festival:



My friend and former neighbor, Jon Felton, is the brain child for this music festival. It will bring musicians together from a four state region, and it will also have an environmental-sustainability emphasis that focuses on regional issues.

We all brought hammers and gloves and worked through the afternoon cleaning and preparing the Coffeehouse/Music Barn:


and building the music stage for the Ruckus Tent (the bands playing on this one will live up to the name!)



There will be workshops all weekend on topics from gardening to wild edibles. We also lined up a speaker to do presentations on Mountaintop Removal mining and we will be doing some direct actions from the festival site, such as calling our representatives and petitioning.

It looks to be a fun, all ages festival with great music and comraderie. I'll be playing a set in the Coffeehouse barn and there will be a very eclectic line-up of musicians under the Ruckus Tent including Jon's band 'Soulmobile Eternal', and another local friend's band, 'The Christmas Lights'. A sample of their fun ruckus HERE and HERE.




(as a side note, i posted below about setting my blog to private. those who have contacted me need to send me an e-mail because i have to put in your e-mail address to send you an invitation to read. there is an e-mail link in my profile. i'm still trying to figure out how to do it! thanks.... )

Swan Song...

if i were wild and free,

i'd dance joyfully....

the moonlight my company.

if i were wild and free,

i'd sigh contentedly...

your weight above me,

the earth sinking beneath.

these words you say to me...

somehow they hold the key,

to these chains that bind me.

so whisper them sweetly,

and i'll close my eyes and dream

of the day when we will be....

FREE

Free Flowing...

i was peaceful before i met you,

but i wasn't smiling.... or laughing.

i wasn't lonely before i met you,

but i wasn't hopeful, either.

i thought i heard a sound when you came around...

but maybe i was just hearing things,

like when you are expecting someone

and your ears are extra alert to every noise...

you think you hear a car pull in or a door close shut,

but no one's really there.

i want you here.... and i don't.

it's too much and it's too little.

they say the journey to joy and sorrow follow the same road.

i thought I was choosing joy.

now I'm unsure of the destination....

i guess all we can do is walk.

A West Virginia hoe-down and a little nepotism....

We know how to have a good time in Appalachia. I was caught on tape recently flat-footing at the Cd Release party for my friends, The Fox Hunt. If you love traditional music, you'll love their new album. It can be ordered here.

I miss all of you and hope to be posting again soon!

With Love.... Blue

MY Redemption Song.....

... sounds like the creaky chains of the porch swing

as my son and i snuggle in motion,

while watching the hummingbirds at the feeder

and the morning mist slowly lift off of the mountains.

it sounds like the screech owl,

crying out from its moonlit perch by the edge of the creek...

the shrill call echoing through the dark vale.

it sounds like familiar voices of family and friends...

milk and honey flowing from their lips,

a soothing balm of comforting words.

it sounds like the strains of a fiddle,

the tapping of feet,

the crackling of an evening fire...

laughter at dusk.

sometimes it is barely audible, yet still tangible...

felt, more than heard.

in the quietness, i can still detect the faint melody.

so as the morning mist loosens its nightly hold on these hills,

this blanket begins to relinquish its smothering grip on my heart...

and new stanzas are written and imprinted

on this fallible, hopeful human soul.

The Solitary Reaper

Behold her, single in the field,
Yon solitary Highland Lass!
Reaping and singing by herself;
Stop here, or gently pass!
Alone she cuts and binds the grain,
And sings a melancholy strain;
O listen! for the Vale profound
Is overflowing with the sound.

No Nightingale did ever chaunt
More welcome notes to weary bands
Of travellers in some shady haunt,
Among Arabian sands:
A voice so thrilling ne'er was heard
In spring-time from the Cuckoo-bird,
Breaking the silence of the seas
Among the farthest Hebrides.

Will no one tell me what she sings?
Perhaps the plaintive numbers flow
For old, unhappy, far-off things,
And battles long ago:
Or is it some more humble lay,
Familiar matter of to-day?
Some natural sorrow, loss, or pain,
That has been, and may be again?

Whate'er the theme, the Maiden sang
As if her song could have no ending;
I saw her singing at her work,
And o'er the sickle bending;--
I listened, motionless and still;
And, as I mounted up the hill
The music in my heart I bore,
Long after it was heard no more.

-William Wordsworth

After a day of cloud and wind and rain

Sometimes the setting sun breaks out again,

And touching all the darksome woods with light,

Smiles on the fields until they laugh and sing,

Then like a ruby from the horizon's ring,

Drops down into the night.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Travel and Transition.... these will be the theme words for my summer. And thus, I'm afraid I won't be blogging much. But I wanted to part with this photo of the sunset from my deck. It is quite representative of my journey right now, but with hope that the dawn will be even more glorious.

I may be able to stop in here and there. And you can also e-mail me through the address on my profile if you'd like to keep in touch that way. I will miss every one of you and wish you all a wonderful summer!

Speaking of Brave....

The little kitten tops that list. I thought I'd give an update on her after all the comments from the last post. Colleen apparently had some uncanny insight, as she left a comment saying that it seemed the kitten was a metaphor for our throw-away society.

After examining her, the veterinarian concluded she had blunt head trauma, most likely from being thrown out a car window.... and she'd probably have permanent neurological damage. I must have happened upon her right after she had been thrown out, thus her dazed and disoriented condition. They kept her at the clinic to observe her for 2 days and then I picked her up and brought her home. She was at least partially blind, not responding to visual stimuli. She couldn't walk... she would walk in circles and tumble down on herself. And she was having seizures about every 10 minutes. I really didn't think there was much hope for her.

I kept her in a crate in our utility room (i'm not supposed to have indoor pets) and tried to make her comfortable, but knew I'd have to make a decision about euthanizing. If her condition stayed the same, she would have a miserable life. It pained me to watch her try to walk and topple over backwards in the effort.... and how she huddled in the corner with a look of terror in her eyes before each seizure. The only hopeful sign was her appetite. She was a little piggy, and thus I nicknamed her "Miss Piggy". She also had a loud motor and purred contentedly when I held her or pet her.

We had plans to go out of town for the weekend, and Fiddlegirl agreed to keep kitty for us. When I was driving her there, Miss Piggy had the worst seizure yet, and my heart sank. I worried about her the whole weekend and knew the decision I'd probably have to make when I returned.

But amazingly, when we returned, Fiddlegirl told me she had a seizure the first night, but had none since. And she was letting the kids hold her, and was walking better. I took her home and observed the same. She was still a little wobbly, but could walk without falling over. And over the next week, she continued to improve. She still couldn't see well, but she would find me by my voice. I'd let her out of the crate when I'd be outside, and she would trot underfoot, and run around and chase Sir Laughsalot. And the seizures had completely subsided. You wouldn't have been able to guess that she was the same little kitty that I found limp and lethargic on the side of the road. I could barely keep up with her newfound energy and playfulness..

We can't have inside pets, and I knew she needed to be inside because of the blindness. But it just so happened that a local animal rescue organization was having a pet adoption fair this past weekend and told me to bring her. So I did..... and to my heart's delight, a young married couple fell in love with her there, and adopted her on the spot.

A small miracle, that reminded me about hope.....

A breech in the dam.....

it was the kitten. it triggered the floodgates to open. i saw it lying on the side of the road, looking disoriented, and on the verge of getting run over.

it was early morning and i had just dropped my son off at school. i pulled over, a little haphazardly, and ran to get it before a car hit it. i picked it up, and its body went limp in my hands. its eyes were open, but not seeing. it was breathing, but it was a strained breathing.

what do i do? there was a vet's office on the way home, so i hurriedly drove there, not knowing if the kitten would make it, even that short distance. i brought it in, wrapped in a blanket, and asked what to do. "we can't look at it unless you are going to adopt it and pay all the medical expenses." what? it's hurt.... i couldn't have left it lying in the road to get hit.

"sorry", they said, "we can't do anything if it doesn't have an owner". i looked down at the lethargic kitten, with it's labored breathing. it was so tiny and pitiful. and then i felt it..... i felt it deep. i knew it had been shoved down for a long time. it came up in bits and pieces sometimes, but i was always able to push it back. i prided myself on my composure. i prided myself on being brave and strong.

but this little kitten suddenly triggered the floodwaters. all the loss, pain, sorrow, hurt..... it somehow became a symbol for that. and it happened right there in the middle of these strangers in a veterinary clinic. the saltwater trickled down just a little at first, but then came tumbling down in torrents. as hard as i tried, i couldn't close the floodgate.

"i'm sorry", i kept saying. "i don't normally do this." i could barely speak. i was just standing there at the counter, sobbing, and holding the almost lifeless kitten, with everyone staring at me. i think then they had sympathy, and agreed to look at it, if i'd sign a waiver giving permission to euthanize it if needed. "the vet doesn't like us to do this" they said, "but he's not here yet.... we'll see what we can do." they asked for all my contact info, and i had to repeat it several times for they couldn't understand me through my faltering voice.

i couldn't leave soon enough, and when i got in the car, i let the rest of the waters flow, until the dam had been thoroughly breeched. of all places, i thought to myself. i guess that's what i get for holding it in so long. i don't know how long i cried in my car..... i stayed there until my vision wasn't blurred anymore.

the sadness stayed with me all day. but i know i found the kitten for a reason. someone knows it's too much.... to be brave all the time.

Oh my, oh my..... how time does fly!


It seems just weeks ago, I was watching this little, snaggle-toothed boy walk through the double doors, into his first year of school...... and feeling as if my heart were walking away from me.

This mama had a harder time transitioning to this life change than he did. I remember agonizing during the year leading up to school about the best way to educate him.... should I homeschool, put him in public school, find a private school? I wanted him to have the best possible start for his "official" education.

Now, his Kindergarten graduation is coming up next week, and I wonder how it came so soon. I'm grateful for his little, country school that gave him a great first year.

Just last week, I came with my camera and took all the kids' yearbook pictures...... and I saw in their faces and smiles, the results of a small, close-knit community school.

Yesterday, I gathered with other school moms and community members, and peeled apples, and baked apple dumplings and pies all day in the school cafeteria in preparation for the school's annual Ice Cream Social. Everyone knew each other, and the 9 hour day of baking didn't seem tedious in the least bit, with all the conversation, laughter, and shared work. Students came in and out to help.... they made signs, and decorated the school. Community, as it was meant to be. Education, as it was meant to be.... a joint effort between parents and teachers, and the local community.

And I ended my day.... and I will end this first school year.... with gratitude.

feelin' the love......

I was loved on twice yesterday by two fellow bloggers. First, I received this awesome homemade citrus soap in the mail from Brandy, a gift to celebrate the opening of her new online Etsy shop. She trepidly contacted me to ask for my mailing address last week, not sure if I would give it to her. I assured her that I didn't mind, and that if I were to have a stalker, who better to have than a knitting, baking, soap-making mama who sends me free things in the mail. :) I encourage you to check her new shop out.... she has soap, cloth napkins, seeds, reusable bags, and felted goodies, with more to come. All are handmade.

Then, to add to the beauty of my day, I was contacted by L.L. Barkat, letting me know she put up this post about me. I clicked over and was moved to tears and extremely humbled by it. If that is all that ever came from my music, it would be enough.

So much love from this little blogging community of mine.... I never would have dreamt it when I put up my first post a little over a year and a half ago. Thank you, ladies... and thank ALL of you who have come into my life and moved me and encouraged me time and time again.

Why...

why did you knock,

but not enter?

why did you whisper in my ear,

knowing it would echo

as a shout in my heart?

why did you find me beautiful,

only to leave me ugly?

why did you come,

only to go?

you came,

my heart to accost....

i once was found, but now am lost.

Stars

Here in my head, language

Keeps making its tiny noises.

How can I hope to be friends

with the hard white stars

whose flaring and hissing

are not speech

but a pure radiance?

How can I hope to be friends

with the yawning spaces

between them

where nothing, ever, is

spoken?

Tonight, at the edge of the

field,

I stood very still, and looked

up,

and tried to be empty of

words.

What joy was it, that almost

found me?

What amiable peace?

Then it was over, the wind

roused up in the oak trees

behind me

and I fell back, easily.

Earth has a hundred

thousand pure contraltos--

even the distant night bird

as it talks threat, as it talks

love

over the cold, black fields.

Once, deep in the woods,

I found the white skull of a

bear

and it was utterly silent--

and once a river otter, in a

steel trap,

and it too was utterly silent.

What can we do

but keep on breathing in and out,

modest and willing, and in

our places?

Listen, listen, I'm forever

saying,

Listen to the river, to the

hawk, to the hoof

to the mockingbird, to the

jack-in-the-pulpit--

then I come up with a few

words, like a gift.

Even as now.

Even as the darkness has

remained the pure, deep

darkness.

Even as the stars have

twirled a little, while I stood

here,

looking up,

one hot sentence after

another.

~Mary Oliver

You are my ship

that didn't come in,

sailing on the waves

of what might have been...

Wordless Wednesday
"Boys Just Wanna Have Fun...."



(for more wordless wednesdays, go here)

The Don Shows His Hand........

THIS is why we can't get anything done about the devastation being caused by the coal industry in our state:

As you can see, our politicians in WV are mostly bought.... and not just our politicians, but our states' DEP. Despite all of this controversy, Spike Maynard is running for re-election. And on the Republican ticket, running unopposed, is Beth Walker, wife of the Vice President of Walker Machinery, the company that makes millions of dollars selling equipment for MTR sites.

And Don Blankenship, the CEO of Massey Energy, who attacked the reporter in the video? He just told the Wall Street Journal that his goal for the upcoming year is to open a new mine every 17 days. Denny posted about it on our End MTR blog here. It's absolutely maddening...

Meanwhile, study after study is showing the ill-effects coal is having on people's health in the coalfields, how it is the major contributor to global warming, and how more and more mountains are being blown to smithereens to extract it. Our state is being raped daily. And when the Coal is gone, there will be nothing left. The hills that have sustained the mountain people here for generations will be no longer and WV residents will be left with nothing.

It's wrong on every level.....

Nature Art

(Taken on a Spring hike behind my house....)