Sunday, April 01, 2007

YAY........I Did It!!!!


Performed at a local Spoken word and Songwriters night, that is...... For those who have been reading a while, in December I posted about going as a listener to a local Songwriters night and how much fun I had and how inspiring it was. I noted that maybe I'd practice and be brave enough to participate the next time. There has been one since and I chickened out, but finally got up the nerve to do it this weekend.

I have been singing and playing music most of my life, as my parents are musicians. I rarely ever perform solo in front of people, though. I've always played with other musicians or sat in on big jam sessions. There's a huge difference between sitting on your porch with the local neighborhood kids for an audience and playing in front of a packed room full of other adults, many of them writers.

L.L. Barkat recently did a post called "Desirous", in which she talked about dreams and desires and how they are starting grounds for creative growth. She responded to a comment I left with the question, "What do you desire?" I had to think about it for a while because so many of my desires and dreams have been buried and put on back burners since becoming a wife and mother. I haven't felt in touch with that creative side of me for a while. Music, though, and the pusuit of it IS a desire in my heart, although I have rarely picked up any of my instruments or written songs since my son was born.

I have always loved playing music, but tend to hoard it. It's a very vulnerable feeling to get up in front of people and pour your heart out in song. I haven't written many songs, but most of the ones I have are filled with strong emotions and memories for me. So I never know how they are going to affect me when I'm singing them.....or how someone else might respond to them. But, that said, I want to grow both as a musician and songwriter......I am very lacking in so many ways......and I tend to grow the most when I am around other musicians and by putting myself out there.

So...... I did it! I almost chickened out again, but my husband and friends urged me on. I was nervous as all get out...and it wasn't my best performance ever...... but I'm glad I braved it. I received lots of encouraging words afterwards and was invited to come to the Writer's Group that hosted the evening. And, maybe...just maybe.....it will be a tad bit easier next time..........

(photo, compliments of my husband.....)

22 comments:

Tracy said...

Congratulations. My son would love to perform at a place like this. He's fifteen, plays guitar, mandolin, harmonica, a LITTLE piano, and loves to write his own songs. They are actually quite good, too.

I'm sure that you'll be nervous the next time as well, but try to remember how good it felt once you leaped!Blessings to you!

JAM said...

Congratulations. That's not something just anyone can do. I play guitar some, and the thought of doing what you did is way beyond my present capabilities. I have played in church many times as part of our praise and worship team, but solo? Not yet.

I love your photos. I'll be back.

I started a new photo blog myself called John's Daily Digital Images if you care to go and check it out.

bluemountainmama said...

tracy- sounds like you have a very talented son...thanks for stopping by!

jam- believe me, i'm severely lacking guitar skills myself...i basically just know enough to accompany myself...that's why i need to hang out with other musicians, so i can learn more. i'll definitely be stopping by and taking a peek at your photos....thanks!

Joel and Jaime said...

Way to go! I miss hearing your musical skills on Sundays! I haven't really been playing much either lately, except for on the worship team at church--the kids keep me fully occupied! Hope you get the chance to do it again!

Mike said...

Congratulations on getting in there and doing it! Perhaps this is the beginning of a time when you can get back in touch with that creative part of you. I know it is so easy to set that aside. Just remember to make some time in your busy week to work on your creativity.

colleen said...

Yay! I think my fear of public performance would have been considered a phobia. If I can do it regardless of that, anyone can. It really does get easier. And I beleive that when you do what you love and put it out it grows larger in you.

Tom Atkins said...

Always good to push back a fear and try things. Congratulations and I am sure you did well, and that others were blessed by your music!

Tom

L.L. Barkat said...

This is most wonderful. I was touched, too, by your admission that many desires and dreams have been put on hold because of family commitments. I think this is problematic for many women, and I'm so glad to see you stepping towards at least one deep thing that feeds your soul (and, consequently, others'!).

It is true that relationships require giving up some things, but creativity can find space for some of these in new ways. And, of course, I always have to remind myself that as much as I've given up, I've received back in the fulfillment of desires and dreams I never tried to have nor knew existed.

Thank you So Much for sharing this story with us. A blessing, indeed.

kirsten said...

Way to go!! It takes so much to get out there & do it on your own. Congrats & I hope you get a chance to try again soon.

bluemountainmama said...

jaime- i miss bangin' the drum on sunday mornings, too! :)

l.l.- i like what you said in the second paragraph of your comment....yes, the giving up has its rewards, also....i wouldn't trade my time with my son for more time to practice any day!

Elise said...

I am so proud of you! I could never in a million!
Can you figure out a way to post a sample of your pretty voice and songs? :)

Anna said...

This is so great...good for you for getting out there and doing something you love. I would love to hear you one day....maybe over a Diet Coke and a Dr. Pepper? :)

Let me give props to your camera man too! Nice shot!

bluemountainmama said...

elise- i really don't have any recordings of myself....maybe eventually, if i start playing more, i'll have someone do a live recording....

anna- motherskylark and i might serenade you if i make it across the ocean. we used to play together in local coffee shops and such. has she ever played for you? she is a MUCH better songwriter and guitar player than i......

Moi said...

a very touching post...for someone who's shy abt letting her innermost feeling be judged by others, it struck a chord...:)
keep it going, am sure u'll love it more with every leap u take :)

Christianne said...

This is SO AWESOME!! Congratulations! I was thrilled to read this glimpse into your heart, and thrilled that you took the plunge and DID IT.

Elise said...

You have something special to pick up at my place! (((Amy)))

The Harbour of Ourselves said...

really well done - the first time is always the worst - gets much better

singer sonwriters are such a gift - i mean where would our childhood memories be without the likes of Carole King and James taylor?

well done again, am sure the girl did good

Neil said...

congrats! :)

Father Mackenzie said...

Awesome! I'd love to perform live at something like this. I haven't read your blog for long, so what kind of music do you perform? You can check some of my songs out at my blog or my mom's.

Mac (Tracy's son)

bluemountainmama said...

mac- i'l definitely be over soon to check out your music....i love hearing about young 'uns playing music. :) i really love traditional appalachian music, but the stuff i write is kind of folky, i guess.

Rosie said...

Oh, I'm so glad you did this. I was wondering since you came from such a musical family if you performed.

vanessa said...

I remember when you overcame your fears, and I am so proud of you! But believe me, as your neighbor and friend, there was nothing more wonderful than to hear you and wayne making beautiful tunes that would whisper to us over the wind through out our curtains each night. You two blended beautifully with the crickets and soft dreams and snores of my children.Thanks for the live summer magic..I miss it terribly..